The enduring appeal of watching Jeremy Clarkson being a colossal twit

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Clarkson’s Farm ★★★★
Nine, Wednesday, 8.30pm

Jeremy Clarkson is a somewhat polarising figure, in the same way that the Sahara Desert is somewhat dry. There is no shortage of people willing to denounce Clarkson’s arrogance, bigotry, and unreconstructed male chauvinism. And yet Clarkson is also extremely successful and terribly rich, so there’s clearly a sizeable section of the populace who are fully on-board with his distinctive charms.

Jeremy Clarkson in Clarkson’s Farm, a show about what a completely hapless idiot he is.

Clarkson’s Farm is, happily, a show that brings together both tribes: the Clarksonite and the Clarkson haters. For while it provides ample opportunity for his fans to enjoy his strangely seductive combination of aggravating bluster and good-humoured charm, the show’s central conceit is one designed perfectly to appeal to the average anti-Clarkson fanatic. In a nutshell, this is a show about what a completely hapless idiot Jeremy Clarkson is.

The titular farm is one that the former Top Gear presenter purchased in 2008, but left it to a proper farmer to run. Upon that farmer’s retirement, Clarkson decided to have a go at running it himself, and as a man in whose veins television runs like plasma, he naturally made a program out of it. Thus, Clarkson’s Farm, a documentary which chronicles his attempts to make a go of farming – specifically, how incredibly bad he is at it.

The abiding image that Clarkson’s Farm leaves in your mind is the sight of our hero’s saggy, bewildered face, gaping in astonishment at the revelation of some fact about agriculture that he never in his life imagined could be the case.

From the amount of time it takes to sow a field, to the existence of beetles that can devastate a crop, to the fact that sheep can jump over walls, just about everything involved in the operation of a farm stuns Clarkson to his core, and his continuous bafflement is as entertaining an emotional journey as any reality TV franchise is likely to provide.

But it’s not just confusion that Clarkson’s Farm offers: the show also plays on its host’s near-indestructible self-confidence; a trait that has infuriated many over the years, but here provides enormous amusement due to how utterly ill-founded it is. When Jeremy Clarkson hits upon a brilliant idea on the farm, you can bet your life it’s going to turn out badly. Bought yourself a slick-looking tractor? Figured out a way to plough your paddock more quickly? Realised a drone is cheaper than a sheepdog? Pride, Jeremy, cometh before the fall.

In his comical attempts to become a farmer, Clarkson is aided by a colourful supporting cast who actually know what they’re doing. The series’ breakout star is Kaleb Cooper, a young local who was first called in to help Clarkson work out how to operate his oversized tractor and who ends up frequently at odds with the star, losing patience with his all-encompassing ignorance and trouble following instructions.

They make quite a double act: the ageing petrol-head who knows nothing about country life, and the 21-year-old farmer with a bad haircut who knows nothing else.

It should also be mentioned that, although Clarkson’s haplessness always stays front and centre, occasionally the real-life comedy gives way to oddly affecting moments, when the façade cracks just enough to see that, for all the hilarity, if he’s not careful, the farm will worm its way into his heart, and if we’re not careful, he’ll worm his way into ours.

Pride generally comes before a fall on Clarkson’s Farm.

Of course, one must be aware that this is showbusiness, and though the basic premise of the show is “let’s have a laugh watching Jeremy Clarkson flail about proving his absolute incompetence at everything he tries”, it’s also true that Clarkson is the guy making the show, and he knows exactly what he’s doing.

This means three things: 1. Clarkson has an admirable willingness to let go of his ego and make himself look foolish; 2. Clarkson is clever enough to know that appearing to let go of your ago and make yourself look foolish is good business; 3. You’ll enjoy this show more if you cool your cynicism a little. In the end, what you’ve got here is a show that teaches you about farming, makes you laugh, and provides hours of footage of Jeremy Clarkson being a colossal twit. That ticks every box for me.

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