Credit: <\/span> <\/cite><\/p>\nOK, in the Good Book it\u2019s bread, not toast, but I\u2019ve eaten both bread and toast, and toast is better.<\/p>\n
Man and Lady spend their days stuffing their faces with various substances \u2013 as approved by their cult leader, Michael Mosley \u2013 but they no longer countenance the smallest sliver of bread, toasted or raw. This despite toast being my personal favourite, especially when served with a generous amount of butter, a finely judged scrape of Vegemite, and dropped into my mouth by a small friend, name of Pip. Absolutely delicious \u2013 umami up the wazoo \u2013 but now missing in action.<\/p>\n
In my previous letter I described my emotions concerning Pip and the way he \u2013 a growing boy \u2013 has also been denied toast. Just like a bottle of gin, purchased \u201cin case a guest ever wants a gin and tonic\u201d and then drained the moment it\u2019s brought into the house, these two cannot trust themselves around toast, even if the toast in question was purchased for an innocent child, or an equally innocent dog.<\/p>\n
And so others must suffer for their lack of control. Honestly, it\u2019s like the siege of Troy in here. Pip and I are now reduced to dreaming of a Trojan horse filled with toast.<\/p>\n
Facing this intransigence, I have indicated my willingness to compromise and consume something that is toast-adjacent. I nose my way into the pantry. How about some Jatz? Crowned, perchance, with a triangle of cheese. But, horror of horrors, they\u2019ve also got rid of the Jatz! They talk of Jatz as if it\u2019s a gateway drug: one Jat and they\u2019ll be back on the toast.<\/p>\n
If I were to paint the scene, the title would be: \u201cThe Addict Denied His Fix\u201d.<\/p>\n
To be fair to them, they did have a significant toast problem. When Lady was writing one of her TV shows, me at her feet, she sometimes had to make up a fresh bit of plot or invent a new character. Here was her method: she\u2019d rummage around in the bread bin hoping she\u2019d find the answer within.<\/p>\n
By what means the toast spoke to her, I am unsure. Did it matter if the toast was wholemeal or white? If she had a slice of sourdough, was the resulting storyline a little more artisanal? Would a slice of Danish rye push the plot towards Scandi noir?<\/p>\n
Man, meanwhile, was a complete toast pig. He\u2019d cook so many pieces that they\u2019d fall off his plate as he stumbled towards the couch. Due to my fast action, they\u2019d rarely hit the floor. No wonder he now spends most of his time staring plaintively at the empty bread bin. If I were to paint the scene, the title would be: \u201cThe Addict Denied His Fix\u201d.<\/p>\n
Worse, he\u2019s now come back from the first leg of his book tour in a somewhat negative mood. His temper already frayed by a lack of toast, he now has complaints about me.<\/p>\n
There he was, banging on about his own writing, and \u2013 at every single gathering \u2013 most of the questions would be about me. \u201cIs Clancy OK?\u201d Or \u201cCan\u2019t Clancy write a little more often?\u201d Or \u201cI worry every time I pick up the paper and see that he hasn\u2019t written. He\u2019s such a lovely writer.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a fair point, since Man can\u2019t help himself when it comes to snaffling up the available space, week after week. Personally, I think he has a self-esteem problem. He has too much of it. As if people want to read endlessly about him and the pleasure he takes in high-pressure hosing and sorting through the garbage.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, he recounts how he has taken to talking about dogs, and how he wishes they lived longer. This, apparently, is one of the wishes in his book: \u201cI wish dogs would live longer. They should be with us for life.\u201d<\/p>\n
A gentleman in the audience got to his feet and said there was already an answer to this problem. If Man wanted a long-lived pet, he should get rid of his dog (!) and invest in some koi. According to the man, who was full of fishy facts, koi live until they are 90.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know why Man told me this story. In fact, he\u2019s told me several times. Maybe he thinks I should stop whingeing all the time about the lack of toast.<\/p>\n
Now, whenever I find a way of mentioning the issue \u2013 collapsing on the floor as if from hunger, or staring into my food bowl as if I can\u2019t believe there\u2019s no toast there \u2013 Man comes over and says: \u201cClancy, do stop carping <\/i>on and on about the toast\u201d.<\/p>\n
Yes, I know. Disgraceful. His use of the word \u201ccarp\u201d, given the context, is rather passive-aggressive.<\/p>\n
Could someone kindly call the RSPCA and tell him to stop?<\/p>\n
Love, Clancy.<\/p>\n
To read more from<\/b> Spectrum<\/i><\/b>, visit our page here.<\/b><\/p>\n
The Booklist is a weekly newsletter for book lovers from books editor Jason Steger. <\/i><\/b>Get it delivered every Friday<\/i><\/b>.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\nMost Viewed in Culture<\/h2>\nFrom our partners<\/h3>\n
Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Save articles for later Add articles to your saved list and come back to them any time. Dear Mum and Dad, It\u2019s your dog Clancy writing from the city. It\u2019s 10 weeks since I last wrote to you. That letter was a sombre missive in which I detailed the toast drought gripping our household. You may remember the problem: Man […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":68725,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n
It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Save articles for later Add articles to your saved list and come back to them any time. Dear Mum and Dad, It\u2019s your dog Clancy writing from the city. It\u2019s 10 weeks since I last wrote to you. That letter was a sombre missive in which I detailed the toast drought gripping our household. You may remember the problem: Man [...]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Hotcelebon.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/\",\"name\":\"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/74db1979fe71b5ea01513ec1ce5bc609\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Lifestyle\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/category\/lifestyle\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/\",\"name\":\"Hotcelebon.com\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/74db1979fe71b5ea01513ec1ce5bc609\",\"name\":\"mediabest\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d7cef2e0d8d634cb49d54f7c48b549a1?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d7cef2e0d8d634cb49d54f7c48b549a1?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"mediabest\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com","og_description":"Save articles for later Add articles to your saved list and come back to them any time. Dear Mum and Dad, It\u2019s your dog Clancy writing from the city. It\u2019s 10 weeks since I last wrote to you. That letter was a sombre missive in which I detailed the toast drought gripping our household. You may remember the problem: Man [...]","og_url":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/","og_site_name":"Hotcelebon.com","article_published_time":"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00","author":"mediabest","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_image":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/Its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast.jpg","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"mediabest","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/","url":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/","name":"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast - Hotcelebon.com","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00","dateModified":"2023-11-03T13:28:31+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/74db1979fe71b5ea01513ec1ce5bc609"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/lifestyle\/its-a-dogs-life-for-bread-addicts-going-cold-turkey-on-hot-toast\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Lifestyle","item":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/category\/lifestyle\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"It\u2019s a dog\u2019s life for bread addicts going cold turkey on hot toast"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/","name":"Hotcelebon.com","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/74db1979fe71b5ea01513ec1ce5bc609","name":"mediabest","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d7cef2e0d8d634cb49d54f7c48b549a1?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/d7cef2e0d8d634cb49d54f7c48b549a1?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"mediabest"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68726"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68726"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68726\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68725"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotcelebon.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}