Frankie Muniz Graciously Offers to Be Lizzo’s Purse

Frankie Muniz woke up today. He may have hit the snooze button a couple of times before his significant other complained, then scrolled his Instagram, checked his email, and eventually traveled to Starbucks because the house was out of K Cups. All of this is conjecture, because we have no idea what prompted what came next. At 11:19 a.m. EST, Muniz decided that he would tweet. The tweet would be a little horny (?) and bold, and on his main Twitter account, which has over 300,000 followers. “Hey lizzo, lemme be your accessory,” the post began. “I can be a purse… put a chain around me and I’ll hold your stuff for you…just sayin.”

It’s hard to discern what the goal of this was, or why Muniz would like to be a receptacle for Lizzo’s knick-knacks and personal belongings. It begs the question: What even is a human purse? Does he want to hold physical items, as a non-sentient purse would, or is this a metaphorical request, and Muniz merely wishes to be an emotional purse for all of Lizzo’s problems? I have (many) questions, but wish Muniz luck.

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