Cara Delevingne says she felt suicidal while coming to terms with sexuality

Cara Delevingne has opened up about struggling with depression and “suicidal moments” before coming to terms with her sexuality.

Speaking to Gwyneth Paltrow on her ‘Goop Podcast’ the 28-year-old spoke candidly on her feelings about being gay and how she felt she was “homophobic” growing up.

She said: “I grew up in an old fashioned household, let’s say. I didn’t know anyone who was gay. I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I was quite – not noticeably – I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was probably quite homophobic.’

"The idea of being same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, 'Oh my God, I would never, that's disgusting, ugh'."

Cara went on to say that the shame behind the feelings she was experiencing led her to “massive depression” and “suicidal moments”.

The model explained: ‘Learning and growing up and realising I had a best friend when I was a kid that I liked maybe more than they liked me and not realising what that was, then the shame and the self-hatred…

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"I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that.”

She continued: "Actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept and am still getting to terms with. There is still a part of me where I'm like, 'Oh, I wish I could just be straight'. There is still that side to it.

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“It is really complicated, but I do think that when I was younger – before I knew any of these gay icons or people I knew that were gay – I really attest that it was the people that I fell in love with and those relationships… the experiences, whether they were sexual or not, it was self discovery of, “Oh, it’s not because you’re a woman, it’s because I love you,” it was more simple than that behind the label.”

Cara has previously dated Michelle Rodriguez and St Vincent and split from her ex-girlfriend Ashley Benson in May last year, after dating for nearly two years.

She also admitted that her struggles with coming to terms with her sexuality and ideas of gender negatively impacted her career as a model.

“I was so unhappy and I wasn't following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I'm an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble 'man',” Cara said.

She added: "I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that's what we are. To trust in your own instincts."

For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.

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