I'm a psychologist and here are 7 stages we go through after break-ups
I’m a psychologist and here are the 7 emotional stages we go through after break-ups – from denial to forgiveness
- Clinical psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani, Birmingham, discussed break-ups
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A psychologist has revealed the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or break-up.
Clinical psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani, who is based in Birmingham, took to social media to outline these stages and what they all involve.
In her post, Dr Suglani, who has more than 135,000 followers, said that everyone will go through the seven different stages she has outlined at different times.
Speaking more broadly about loss and breakups, she noted that no one can predict exactly how long it will take to build a life around the pain.
In a caption accompanying her post, the psychologist wrote: ‘Every person is different. Don’t compare yourself with someone else’s journey.’
A psychologist has outlined seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup in a post on Instagram (stock image)
She continued: ‘Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there’s no one way you’re supposed to feel about it.
‘Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you’re feeling is normal.
‘For a while, you might even become overwhelmed with emotions, it’s normal to feel this way. It’s quite a process to ‘let go’ of a person you really loved or the reality you thought existed.
‘Your mind has to re-adjust to a new way of being without this person in your life.’
7 emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup
1. Shock and denial
2. Desperate need for answers
3. Fear, loneliness, and sadness
6. Peace and acceptance
Source: Dr Lalitaa Suglani
Listing the seven emotional stages we go through after any loss or breakup, Dr Suglani started with shock and denial.
The second point she listed, which is sure to strike a chord with anyone who’s suffered through a breakup is feeling a ‘desperate need for answers’.
Thirdly, she listed feeling a sense of fear, loneliness, and sadness.
Fourth came bargaining, and fifth came anger.
The sixth emotional stage listed by Dr Suglani was peace and acceptance.
And finally, in seventh and last place, she listed forgiveness.
Concluding her lengthly caption at the end of her post, the psychologist pointed out that working through these various stages is not a linear process.
She wrote: ‘You can go up and down these stages and be in several at once. Be kind to yourself during this time.
‘You are shifting. It can take time.
‘And just because you feel ready to forgive doesn’t mean that something else will not trigger you back into feeling angry or sad.
‘It’s having the tools to help you regulate and manage the emotions that can come up, as you’ll get to a point where you stop seeing the relationship through the rose tinted glasses.’
Another important note the psychologist made on the post was that however much you wish it were possible, one person alone ‘can’t make a relationship work if [they] are the only one who wants it to work.
‘Healthy relationships require effort from both partners, and you can’t blame yourself for not being able to uphold a relationship on your own,’ she concluded.
A number of people took to the comments section to share their own thoughts on the post, to discuss breakups in general, or to comment on specific stages.
A number of Instagram users took to the comments section of the post to reveal how the information had struck a chord with them
Discussing how they know they’ve reached the end of the healing process, one social media user wrote: ‘You know you’re truly over someone only when you can say “I wish you all the best in life” to them, genuinely and sincerely.’
Another agreed with the point that all stages can arise at any point during the recovery process.
They wrote: ‘Going through a divorce and all those stage arise throughout the day.’
Meanwhile, another expressed their appreciation for the post, and how the information was presented.
They simply wrote: ‘Yessss this explains it all so well!’
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