I had sex with my colleague after our first date and now I think he's ghosting me

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with a guy from work when we went on our first date.

We were great together but that was two weeks ago and I’ve not heard from him since. Did he just use me?


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I’m a woman of 23. I’ve fancied this guy ever since he joined the company 18 months ago. He’s 27, bright, comes up with lots of good ideas and was quickly promoted.

We manufacture plastic packaging and he moved us on to using far more recycled plastic.

I told him how impressed I was. We talked a lot after that and we’d have a laugh together on work nights out.

I worked from home during lockdown but we ended up matching on Tinder and texting a lot after that. We admitted fancying each other and he suggested we go on a proper date.

He said he wanted to make it special and managed to get a booking at a popular restaurant in our area a couple of weeks ago.

I met him there and it was brilliant. I’d not been anywhere in ages so that made it extra-special. He ordered prosecco before the meal and more wine to go with it.

I’d got there by taxi but he only lives around the corner, so it seemed natural to go back to his place afterwards.

He kissed me and said how he’d wanted to make love to me for months. We ended up in bed and we seemed to be amazing together.

I stayed the night and floated back home the next morning on cloud nine. I got a text saying: “Just checking you got home safely.” But after that, silence.

He is having a couple of weeks off work, so I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t see him on the Monday. But I’ve not heard from him at all.

You’d think he would message me or something.

I’m gutted to think he might have just used me. I’m not usually a “sex on the first date” kind of girl but I thought we were already closer than that.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry. You do sound very hurt. It could be he saw that as very much a first date and so now imagines sex isn’t especially meaningful to you and that he is not that special in your eyes.

You were, of course, risking spreading the virus too.

At the risk of exposing your feelings for him, you could send him a simple message saying you thought there was a real connection between you and you are sad not to have heard from him.

Then leave it. Give him space to think about what he may be missing.

If he makes no move towards you, treat him politely when you see him at work but keep your distance.

Above all, don’t let him think he can bed you when he wants to then simply walk away afterwards. That would be humiliating.

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