The Bachelorette Recap: A Phony Who Throws Baloney

Seven men. Three solo dates. One conflicted Hannah Brown.

This sums up the situation for The Bachelorette on Monday night, who was one week away from the pressure-packed hometown dates when when she went on three one-on-one outings and one group endeavor over the course of a single evening.

A single televised evening, that is.

“I’m falling for multiple people in totally different ways,” Hannah said early on, becoming the record-setting 15th Bachelorette to feel this way around this time of her season.

On her first date, Hannah explored Amsterdam with Jed Wyatt, who is A DIRTY ROTTEN CHEATER WHO BROWN REALLY NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM.

Instead, she said she was – you guessed it! – falling for Jed.

“I’m falling in love with you and I’m shaking inside because I think I’ve known it for a little while but I haven’t said it at all,” Hannah told the singer-songwriter, who The Bachelorette spoilers claim may be this season’s champion.

Added Hannah:

“And I don’t know, it feels really good, but it feels also really scary because I don’t know what the end of this is for me. I don’t know what the end is. But I know that right now, it feels really good.”

Jed explained that he felt the same way, earning himself a rose and Hannah a ticket to his hometown next week.

Hanna’s second one-on-one date, Tyler C., also received a rose for opening up about how his parents’ marriage fell apart after they were affected by the recession.

We don’t have anything snarky to add here. That just sucks, dude.

Third, it was Mike who received the final one-on-one date of the week, leaving Connor to feel left out and sad.

“Even though I do have strong feelings for her, I’ve never really brought someone home, and it’s hard to see myself feeling fully comfortable after another group date,” he told Peter.

This revelation prompted Connor to visit Hannah in her hotel room — where she was, hilariously, writing in her journal.

“When they read the date card tonight and my name wasn’t on it, it’s disappointing,” Connor told Hannah, adding:

“I think I’ve said to you for a while our one-on-one time was amazing. Truly. Why I wanted to come up here, I wanted to spend one-on-one time with you and just talk about some stuff.”

Hannah, however, wasn’t exactly thrilled with Connor or his intrusion.

“I don’t know, there’s nothing bad about our time together, it’s always good,” she said, sounding far from enthused.

“I feel like there are other relationships that I have stronger feelings with and I guess what I’m looking at the end of this thing and having to make these really hard decisions, and I don’t know if I can see it.”

Connor then left… and Hannah proceeded on her date with Mike.

They biked around the Netherlands and went to an art studio, drawing each other and then being drawn together by the artist in residence.

Although Mike said he could see himself proposing down the line, Hannah didn’t share his sentiment. When they got together for the dinner portion of the date, she met this suitor in tears.

“You’re looking for your fourth lady,” she said, referring to when Mike said he wanted to add to the three loving women in his family. “And I know that I’m not that fourth lady.”

The 31-year old got the hint and handled the rejection as well as one can.

“I cannot say that I’m happy,” he said. “I don’t know what to say except, thank you for being honest.”

This all left Peter, Luke P. and Garrett to go on a group date with Hannah; it involved just sitting and talking in a large building in the Netherlands.

When Hannah spoke with Luke, he brought up his tense relationship with Garrett, asking why so many of the men still don’t like the import/export manager.

Luke played dumb in his response, though, saying these guys were just jealous of how much time he spends with Hannah… who noted how she was “exhausted” by everything surrounding Luke.

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What did Garrett think?

After Hannah asked for his take on his foe, Garrett went after with Luke, calling him “a snake,” “psychopath” and “a weasel.” 

“Your words are meaningless,” Luke responded, prior to standing up and getting directly in Garrett’s face.

“I’ve been nothing but truthful with Hannah, and you are not going to mess it up, okay?” Luke said to his rival, who remained seated and mostly unfazed.

“I don’t care what you said to her, but I am tired of it. You know what this is right here? This is a pile of bologna. Look at that. That’s what you’ve been saying to me and I’m tired of it, I am tired of it okay?”

Luke the threw the bologna on the pro golfer’s lap.

“Be real with that woman she’s looking for a husband. Be real with her, okay? I’m not going to let you screw this up for me,” he declared.

The real winner here, however, was Peter, who avoided all bologna-related fights and earned the group rose from Hannah.

With only one rose remaining, Garrett told Hannah he loved her… while Luke told Hannah about the tume God spoke to him in the shower.

“There was a streak of me when I was chasing sex,” he told The Bachelorette.

“This is hard for me to talk about. It’s not easy for me to talk about because I hated chasing those selfish, fleshly desires, right? And all this unfulfillment, like nothing satisfied me. And I started hating me. And here’s where the story gets good:

“I’m getting in the shower, I just remember feeling this heavy weight on me and I just remember balling my eyes out. I remember hearing a voice telling me, ‘Luke, let go.’

“I remember looking at the ceiling and I remember I could see a glimpse of like, heaven. I remember thinking to myself, like this is what I need to look forward to.

“Since then I’ve been completely on fire.”

And this story worked! It won Hannah back over!

“It was really cool to hear him share his testimony,” Hannah said to the camera. “I like that he is open about his faith and I’m connected to him.”

As a result, Garrett was sent home and Luke nabbed yet another red flower.

“I have to go with my gut and what my heart is drawing me to,” Hannah explained as she gave Luke the rose.

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